An Appointment With Yourself
Imagine this scenario:
You are running errands the galore. You are mentally and physically completely immersed in a stream of anticipated demands from others. With a preemptive obedience, somewhat like a dog, you sacrifice yourself. You do this to feel worthy, you serve because your internal calculation promises you acknowledgement and praise instead of guilt. You are feeling exhausted doing so, yet you are thinking of how you could make even more room for your dutiful life . . . . .
Then, suddenly, turning a corner, you run into your copy: you feel immediately inadequate once you realize who it is you are dealing with. What is this imposing upright body posture? How can she be so arrogant? are your first reactions.
You meet her friendly gaze and feel taken aback. You react as you always do when you meet friendly gazes: what does she want from you? Friendliness always leaves you in a hostile defensive state which now, that you realize it, makes you outright angry. You suddenly understand that all this negativity is a bad fruit of yourself, expressed in a never ending stream of projections.
Suddenly you lash out at your copy :
"And what should I do then? "
Actually - another tough realization - this is in fact the original, while you have disappeared into a copy of your Self.
"Just keep the appointments with yourself," is the friendly answer.
"What do you mean?" slowly you become interested.
"A week ago you thought of beginning a course in Spanish, something you always wanted to do, right?"
"True", you admit, reluctantly giving up your resistance.
"And for a long time you felt this strong urge to express your creativity, even learning a musical instrument?“
"Yes! But I simply couldn't find the time," you try to save your face.
Your True Self is not impressed.
"Since you really don't like your job, did you not intend to research alternatives for a healthier, more fulfilling job?"
". . . . ." Silence is all you can come up with at this point.
"And did you not more than one time feel totally committed to a life in which your love could fully express itself without guilt and remorse?"
"I begin to see what you are saying!" A quick and painful movie of your past self-abuse is running through your brain.
"Well, you missed all those appointments with yourself. You don't really seem to think much of yourself!"
As if turning another corner, your True Self fades gently away.
What do you do now?
Uneqipped to handle so many questions and their obvious implications, you take a rest and feel the burdon of your previous pleasing, deal making, coward, spineless, adjusting, ultimately disposable life. Yet, could it be different? And how should you go about it?
Something inside you makes you understand that your life as a copy has buried the original! And this original doesn't have to be achieved but only has to be listened to . . . there is a treasure inside you, talents and potential skills to be expressed.
You COULD decide to listen and respond, keeping the promises to yourself, enjoying the appointments with yourself, understanding the benefit for yourself and anyone around you.
But will you?
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